I want simple
Yesterday was one of those rollercoaster days....fantastic-lousy-not bad-good-ok-great-fabulous.
The day started after a night of the best sleep I've had in weeks - I'm not kidding - I dozed for a full 8 and a half hours without interruption and woke up feeling like I could take on anything. Had my mandatory cuppa half tea-half milk, played the piano for a while and trundled to work - that's my morning ritual.
Then I did something I probably shouldn't have. But that's ok coz it reinforced what my lovelies and maself have been saying. And now I feel better for it. No details coz they might come back and bite me in the ass. Feeling totally pathetic and sorry for maself but with a brave front, I went to town for lunch and a quick spot of shopping with Karen and Siva. We had chicken rice and kiam chye thng at Far East. Yummm. Of all people, ran into FA while getting the car...didn't stop to say hi coz we were rushing. FA and I had a little episode some months ago, but more on that later.
At about late arvo, Hans - a mate from my Hong Kong days - came over to the building to see me. I haven't seen the boy in three years and he looks as wonderful as ever! hahaha. I'll post pictures - the first we took in as many years! He was here for a total of 20 mins and had to dash for the airport...I'm hoping he makes his flight!! There's still a bit of the old reporter in him who raved about the building but I spend too much time in this place for it to have any sort of allure for me. yuks.
He's Singaporean-American-Hong Konger. Spent about a third of his life in each country. Seeing him again and speaking in our mishmash of Mandarin, Cantonese and English made me miss Hong Kong, specifically the times that were spent in cha chan tengs - Hong Kong's equivalent of our kopitiams, just dirtier, smokier and rowdier. Part of the charm of it. Put him in a cab at the building and hugged each other goodbye, which was when I realise I miss my days in Hong Kong more than I would let on.
Then it rained for the first time this year! It was so so so needed, and it felt like a purging of all the bad stuff from my soul and it couldn't have come at a better time coz it felt symbolic and I know I'm silly to think this way, but I couldn't help smiling and beaming and feeling cheerful. I'm grateful that I still have the ability to be thankful for little, random things.
After work, Siva and I had a good run in the area - my first in a week. The air was heavy and still and was weighing my feet - and everything - down, but we managed to do 4k or so in under half an hour. Which wasn't so bad.
Jo and I went to Gardens to grab a beer at about 10pm. Erm, that was the plan but she ended up with a latte and I ended up with bottled water. ha...chatted about what people want, what we want, what's the use of fighting and....handbags.
Yeap. Handbags. A friend said there are people who choose to go out with you coz of how you would make them look...cool/good/acceptable/whatever. I guess I can see how certain minds would operate like that and I think I might have like that myself when I was younger, but I just don't see how I would be able to think like that now in my late 20s. Relationships are difficult enough as they are; who the hell needs complications?
Jo said it's possible that some would see me as a handbag coz I'm a "good handbag". I supposedly make the guy I'm with look good. I'm still puzzled over this comment coz I genuinely don't see it and don't get it. I'm definitely no trophy girlfriend - you can walk into any (more decent) bar and round up a bunch who would be taller/slimmer/better-looking/more willing. I'm just me.
At the end of the day, the heart wants what the heart wants, right? Jo asked me if things could change. I said I've hit a wall and I don't have the capacity to deal with it anymore.
I want simple.
The day started after a night of the best sleep I've had in weeks - I'm not kidding - I dozed for a full 8 and a half hours without interruption and woke up feeling like I could take on anything. Had my mandatory cuppa half tea-half milk, played the piano for a while and trundled to work - that's my morning ritual.
Then I did something I probably shouldn't have. But that's ok coz it reinforced what my lovelies and maself have been saying. And now I feel better for it. No details coz they might come back and bite me in the ass. Feeling totally pathetic and sorry for maself but with a brave front, I went to town for lunch and a quick spot of shopping with Karen and Siva. We had chicken rice and kiam chye thng at Far East. Yummm. Of all people, ran into FA while getting the car...didn't stop to say hi coz we were rushing. FA and I had a little episode some months ago, but more on that later.
At about late arvo, Hans - a mate from my Hong Kong days - came over to the building to see me. I haven't seen the boy in three years and he looks as wonderful as ever! hahaha. I'll post pictures - the first we took in as many years! He was here for a total of 20 mins and had to dash for the airport...I'm hoping he makes his flight!! There's still a bit of the old reporter in him who raved about the building but I spend too much time in this place for it to have any sort of allure for me. yuks.
He's Singaporean-American-Hong Konger. Spent about a third of his life in each country. Seeing him again and speaking in our mishmash of Mandarin, Cantonese and English made me miss Hong Kong, specifically the times that were spent in cha chan tengs - Hong Kong's equivalent of our kopitiams, just dirtier, smokier and rowdier. Part of the charm of it. Put him in a cab at the building and hugged each other goodbye, which was when I realise I miss my days in Hong Kong more than I would let on.
Then it rained for the first time this year! It was so so so needed, and it felt like a purging of all the bad stuff from my soul and it couldn't have come at a better time coz it felt symbolic and I know I'm silly to think this way, but I couldn't help smiling and beaming and feeling cheerful. I'm grateful that I still have the ability to be thankful for little, random things.
After work, Siva and I had a good run in the area - my first in a week. The air was heavy and still and was weighing my feet - and everything - down, but we managed to do 4k or so in under half an hour. Which wasn't so bad.
Jo and I went to Gardens to grab a beer at about 10pm. Erm, that was the plan but she ended up with a latte and I ended up with bottled water. ha...chatted about what people want, what we want, what's the use of fighting and....handbags.
Yeap. Handbags. A friend said there are people who choose to go out with you coz of how you would make them look...cool/good/acceptable/whatever. I guess I can see how certain minds would operate like that and I think I might have like that myself when I was younger, but I just don't see how I would be able to think like that now in my late 20s. Relationships are difficult enough as they are; who the hell needs complications?
Jo said it's possible that some would see me as a handbag coz I'm a "good handbag". I supposedly make the guy I'm with look good. I'm still puzzled over this comment coz I genuinely don't see it and don't get it. I'm definitely no trophy girlfriend - you can walk into any (more decent) bar and round up a bunch who would be taller/slimmer/better-looking/more willing. I'm just me.
At the end of the day, the heart wants what the heart wants, right? Jo asked me if things could change. I said I've hit a wall and I don't have the capacity to deal with it anymore.
I want simple.
posted by Jean.Chua at 4:27 AM
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