Jet lag truly truly sucks

The stage when they bite every darn thing
06.05

Dumb question of the day: How do dogs know that you're going to have pork-and-chives dumplings for supper once you step through that door so they start following you and whimpering till you throw them a snack, and even then, they don't want it and want a dumpling?

So I am sitting here at my desk at home, with Whiskey at my feet - he has this thing for sleeping on my wires - having decided to come home a couple of days earlier. I don't think it's a bad decision, considering how staying two more days is not going to make me like/hate the US anymore than I do. Plus I've been in and out of the country at least once every month since the beginning of the year I almost looked forward to coming home when I was at the Newark airport. Oh wait, there's Vietnam in July with D.

So to sum it up...the more I travel, the more I don't wanna be here anymore. At the same time, while I am overseas, I think about home and the people here. Is that weird or is that normal? I'm not pulling the "Oh, I've studied and worked abroad so I know better than you" shit, coz there ain't no such shit to pull. I simply know that there's a better place to do the things I wanna do, so I scheme to go. That's just a no brainer.

D has also said that he wants to move away. I don't blame him coz he lived in Boston and New York and the whole place just cramps a person's style. It's full of people who seem to be lost or unhappy or bored and just can't seem to or wanna do anything about it. I've felt like that countless times too and I don't even know what it is.

My bet is something they put in the water and food.

And work...while I enjoy it most of the time - and I consider myself luckier than most..."Well, that's coz you choose to go for the money while I choose something I like but get paid a lot less than you, so shut the fuck up, you dumbass twit." - it's not the stuff that makes me go "YESSSSSSSSSSSS". I don't know if I should give up looking for that thing which makes me go whooooopeeee everyday - is that even real??? - but I don't know if I can do this for very much longer. Maybe another 2 or 3 years?? In the meantime I think I can still enjoy this. I used to think I could be a journalist for the rest of my life, but that's starting to change and I guess it's coz I realise there are a lot of things I can do and wanna do. I just haven't found it, maybe.

If I'm starting to sound a little lost, I'm not. I think I'm just wondering if I might be happier, more fulfilled - I hate that word - doing something else, and what that something else might be.

Do you think this ever ends? This questioning, searching?