Audition me!

It was only an hour of my life, but I think spending any time with the most plasticky and fake people in the country deserves its own post.

I got a call from a friend - I'm still deciding whether to name the person - on Friday afternoon. The friend...we shall just call the person Z...asked me to go to a function on Monday evening. I was supposed to be at the Ritz-Carlton at 7pm and dress "smart casual".

Of course, I had to ask what the event was; although I love you dearly, I don't turn up somewhere just coz you asked me to. And to my absolutely shock, Z had been selected as one of the finalists of Audition Me!

For those who were not at Wheelock Place during the Good Friday weekend or don't watch Channel NewsAsia, Audition Me! is the island-wide talent hunt for new presenters for the channel's new food, travel and sports programs. I was at Borders that weekend and the audition booths were packed. Apparently 800 people turned up over 3 days for a shot at fame and their own TV show, which I guess is pretty attractive. I could NEVER, EVER do that coz I just don't have the balls.

So anyway, Z was selected and asked me if I could be there too as a supporter. I couldn't refuse.

Went by the weekend and came Monday, during which I was jittery as hell coz I wanted to get out by 6.30 the latest. I got to the office at 10am, was told promptly that I had to attend a Ministry of Health briefing at 2.30pm. "Ok, no problem", I said, thinking I could handle one miserable story on the ministry's proposed new law.

So I went and the thing didn't end till about 4pm, when it started to pour. That is definitely a bad thing when you're rushing for your life. So I got back at 4.30.

Murphy's Law was definitely at work coz the second I was walking through the door, my editor was holding onto a press release, which apparently needed to be written up. This is what we call management by sight. You see, you assign. So two hours before I was due to leave the office, I had TWO stories to write.

At that point, quality didn't really matter, as you can imagine. I hit the 'cruise' button and finished a 40cm and a 30cm in 2 hours and was out of the office without anyone knowing.

Z was jittery as hell in the car and so was I. We both didn't know what to expect. "How big is this going to be?", "What happens after this?", "Will this change Z's life?"...we just didn't know. I blasted upbeat tunes on the iPod on the way and by the time we got there, we were both a little high on excitement.

There were cameras, lights, a couple of MediaCorp reporters. There was Diana Ser, Cheryl Fox. And there were quite a lot of beautiful people. Exactly the way we expected.

Z went to sit with the other contestants and I was relegated to the other section where "real" people sit, but the saving grace was meeting and talking to a reporter from Today who was there to cover the event. The initial excitement I felt was very quickly replaced by erm, something else. Disgust is too strong a word, boredom is not it...I probably felt a bit of both. But most of the time, I was squirming in my chair and couldn't wait for it to end.

Blatant self-promotion, vanity, shallowness, self-congratulatory smugness - you name the bad behaviour, it was there. And I am not talking just about the contestants.

So anyway, it turned out that Z was one of the 39 semifinalists and was there so that they could reveal the final 9, who will take part in a reality-show-based contest, and viewers can sms their votes on the 3 who will get their own food, travel and sports show. Z didn't make the final 9.

And we left.

To that, I say congratulations. You just missed the chance to be turned into a monster.