Roadsigns
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From Go-Quiz.com
Ok, that last post was written after pushing 3 consecutive 12-hour days, which will drive any sane person mad, and I am hardly sane. Plus I am still sick, and they are making me work.
And a sign that I'm going bananas??? A panic attack over the phone during which I screamed SHUT THE FUCK UP. SHUT THE FUCK UP. SHUT THE FUCK UP!! to a perfectly innocent and stunned D.
I am spending way too much time in the office, I have people I wanna see badly and catch up with - the list is not long but means the world to me - and I have a million other things I'd rather be doing. I'm resentful that work is sapping so much of my time and energy that I missed a former classmate's ceremony at the ROM yesterday and I just got the news that a friend's mom passed away last week.
So I feel miserable.
I wonder if it's worth it to miss out on the most important things in life - getting involved in my friends' lives, knowing them more intimately, knowing myself more intimately - when my work, my so-called career is supposedly going in the right direction. And the funny thing is - I feel like I am merely someone who happened to walk by when something is happening. Like the Big Bang is going on right now and I am just an intergalatic observer.
And my love life too...I spent way too many years going out with people I didn't really wanna be with coz I didn't wanna care and get hurt, and at the beginning of the year, I spent way too bloody long nursing what felt like a broken heart. Bah. And now, I'm in a situation where there is no mixed signal, no uncertainty, no game-playing. And last night, I know for sure. And there is no chance in hell I am letting this go.
So for once in my life, I feel like I have it all...I just need to slow down a little, no, wait...I need to slow down A LOT and let this sink in.
And today will be the day of reckoning, when I will go in and tell my boss finally what I've decided.
No looking back.
posted by Jean.Chua at 12:59 AM
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