Window shopping...literally...

Searching for a potential home is stressful.

It has to come at the right price, be in the right location, be the right size, it has to be near schools - good ones, near food joints - good ones, and be quiet yet convenient.

Oh, and it has to be cozy and in good condition. Help.

No, I am not getting married or even moving in with someone. I'm taking the plunge and buying my own home.

It's a big decision and it may not happen any time soon, but it's exciting.

Lists

My very funny and very talented former classmate Judy has written a hilarious and painfully honest - oooouch - list of truths and myths about love.

Warning 1: it's not for the weak or those looking for something to reassure them of their boyfriends'/girlfriends' affection for them.

Warning 2: Take it with a big handful of salt...like Judy wrote in her disclaimer...coz I reckon it's written very much from experience!

So in keeping with the spirit of list-making, here's one gleaned from somewhere else...I think it's way too mushy and not very practical but lemme know what you think...

IS HE THE ONE?

1. Does he think he's a lucky guy?

You'd like to think that he is a man who understands that life is made up of part luck and part hard work, and that both elements will affect him at some point. A man who thinks himself lucky in any way is someone who radiates gratitude, which in turn creates an aura of joyousness. And that's all good. But what really matters is that, at the very least, he is a man who feels wildly fortunate to have you in his life, because a guy who feels that way will make sure you know you're adored. And how lucky is that?

2. Are his little faults things you can handle?

Everyone is bugged by something. Does he drink directly from the carton? Hang sweaty clothes on the bathroom door? Stockpile old newspapers? Say no more. Ladies, there will always be habits that could drive you batty enough to head for the door, if you let them. But accepting someone, little faults and all, is part of love. You've got to think big picture here: Don't let his habit of rattling ice in a glass cloud your vision of a man who's caring, respectful, honest and loving. And that's to say nothing of the fact that you crack your knuckles and leave half-empty coffee cups all over the house.

3. Can you name the parts of you that he finds most beautiful?

If you know right now, without asking, that he loves the small of your back, or the way your belly sort of bulges when you lie on your side, or that your cheeks are the softest part of your face, then he must have told you more than once. And that's a beautiful thing.

4. Would he take the last sip of milk for his morning coffee?

Even in a sleep-deprived, late-for-work, barely-able-to-select-a-tie stupor, the man who leaves you the last splash of milk for your coffee is a man who understands consideration. If he thinks to take your needs into account when it comes to all of life's little "I'm thinking of you" gestures, then he probably knows what they add up to.

5. Can he keep a secret?

Not all secrets are the same, and we all know that. Some are meant to be told and others are meant to be taken to the grave. That you got drunk one night might be a secret that gets told in the form of a funny story. That you have an STD might be one you'd like to take to the grave. What's most important is that the two of you categorize secrets, both large and small, in the same way.

6. Do you know how much money he has?

Not to the penny, but a ballpark figure. And here's the catch: You should know because the two of you have discussed it openly and honestly, not because you surreptitiously accessed his computer files while he was grilling out back.

7. Has he seen you when you're at your worst?

Worse than no makeup. Beyond bad hair. We're talking about the really evil side of you that's a brutal cocktail of bitter depression, stunning irritability and Olympic-level bitchiness. It's the you that nobody should be subjected to. You know the you we're talking about here. Yes, that one. If he's seen that you and he can handle it without calling 911, then he may be a keeper.

8. Does he kiss you firmly?

A listless, uncommitted kiss is like a limp, clammy handshake (nice to meet you, sort of). Even the most gentle, tender kiss needs to feel like it knows where it's going.

9. Does he wear a seatbelt?

Wearing a seatbelt is a tiny gesture that says he cares about himself and his well-being. Like eating vegetables. Or wearing sunscreen. Takes a minute, lasts a lifetime.

10. Is he fun?

A fun man is someone who enjoys life. He laughs at jokes, enjoys a good meal, finds entertainment and dances when the mood strikes. There's a certain youthful lightness to a man who's fun, because he knows how to live in the moment - he takes a good look at his surroundings, sees the potential, and partakes of the possibilities. Now that sounds like fun.

Good night, Vietnam

Lotus position 07.05

This, more than any other photo, represents what Vietnam means to me.

Never mind what's in the picture; it's the moment that's stood out.

If I had to use a single word to sum up Vietnam, it would be: noisy. There is indiscriminate use of horns/bells by cyclists, motorcyclists, motorists, rickshaw drivers...it's amazing. The sights and sounds and smells were all interesting - thanks, or no thanks, to the French colonists, depending on how you look at it - and not easy to forget.

And the people...it's hard to imagine that the reserved, refined Northerners and even their brasher, louder kin in the South had to fight big burly American GIs, and three million died in the Vietnam resistance against, first the French, then the Americans. It's a terrible cliche, yes, but this is a country and people whose identities are shaped almost entirely by conflicts.

So after 5 days of utter contentment and soaking in the history, it's back to the daily grind.

Die, fear, die

Whatcha thinking?

This picture was taken without my knowledge by PY in Jerusalem one evening when we were out looking for dinner.

I think I was lost in my own thoughts. I was zoning out and tuning in to my head and pretty much wasn't picking up what the others were doing or saying. That happens rather often.

Over the last month or so, the things I've been thinking about tend to be in the 'what if' category. No, I don't wish to undo the past, not even the awful stuff coz otherwise I wouldn't have been able to learn and know certain things about myself.

I've just been coming up with many awful happenings in my head, most of them imagined and in the future; I'm the queen of worst-case scenarios.

I don't believe in regret and I don't dwell on bad things in the past. That's not the same as denial. You just have to learn what went wrong, pick yourself up and move on, and hopefully, you don't repeat that mistake. Once in a while, though, you get reminded of your stupidity and ignorance, and it's not a good feeling, but I think we can choose what to think about and what we focus on.

I think I'm generally a cynical and skeptical, yet hopeful and rather upbeat, person. Things happened on the way here that made me so. A person has to earn my trust - I assume people want things from you - and unless I've known you for years, I don't really let my guard down. And faith and trust...two big concepts that I'm still struggling with.

The point of all that? I'm deciding now whether to let my guard down and go for it. To a very large extent, I already have. I'm thinking and feeling things I've never before and it's precisely coz I think this could be the real deal that I'm getting a little freaked out. I don't think I can handle the pain that comes with disappointment, or worse, betrayal. So I hold my horses. And when you seek advice from your friends - God bless them - as well meaning as they are, they tend to say things from their personal experiences and are never subjective. They tell you to consider things they would consider, they warn you about stuff they would be careful about, and they say you should avoid ending up in situations they ended up in. This is all wonderful and good, but I do wonder sometimes if it might not be better to just go with my gut feeling. Coz there's a lot to be said about trusting one's gut feeling.

At the end of the day, I think I'm going to choose not to think about the 'what if's', especially if they are awful scenarios and give me not hope, but fear.

Coz life is more good than bad. And fear stops you from living your life and often has nothing to do with the truth. I'm not choosing to shut my eyes, close my ears and sing loudly so I can ignore what's going on or go against my common sense, coz I know human nature and I know the stories. But if I let my fear consume me and I give in, then it would mean that I have given up even before starting, and without putting up a fight. And that's not me.

And if the past three to four months are any indication, I think I'm on the ride of my life, coz it's just going to get better, I know it.

So here goes...

What does your birthdate mean?

I'm too into such things...

Your Birthdate: September 11

Your birth on the 11th day of the month makes you something of a dreamer and an idealist. You work well with people because you know how to use persuasion rather than force. There is a strong spiritual side to your nature, and you may have intuitive qualities inherent in your make up, too. You are very aware and sensitive, though often temperamental. Although you have a good mind and you are very analytical, you may not be comfortable in the business world. You are definitely creative and this influence tends to make you more of a dreamer than a doer.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Options, schmoptions

Is it just me or is almost everyone facing some sorta major change? Is this a sign of the times or just a function of age? God, we're in our late 20s and still mostly clueless. What's going on?

My folks were married and had three kids when they were 29. They also had a flat. I'm not saying that's necessarily what I want, and maybe they didn't have a choice - I don't know. I just think...now that it's perfectly ok to be single and independent - and even admirable to be so in certain circles - and we have a bewildering number of options, an almost countless number of versions of ourselves we could be, we're not very good at making use of those choices.

Choices are wasted on people like us.

We are afraid of making mistakes, and so we become trapped instead in a little world inside our heads.

Strange.

Maybe it's coz most of us have never had much practice at thinking and choosing for ourselves or doing what we actually want to do. We're told to go to this kindergarten, this primary school, take lessons in piano/violin/some musical instrument/karate/swimming/some other sport, go to this secondary school, go to this JC coz it's good, read a certain major in university coz it'll lead to a good job whatever that means, marry a certain type of person coz you'll be well off, live in a certain type of house...you get the picture. Our lives had been decided for us even before we're born. That's a bit tragic, doncha think? No wonder we can't make decisions. We never really had to. And most of us end up thinking we don't have a choice.

Stuff it.

What a week

First, Raffles Hotel is sold to the Americans.

And now, the government says buyers of private properties need only have to come up with a 10 per cent deposit instead of 20 per cent - 5 per cent cash, 5 per cent CPF.

Do you have any idea what this means?

In the Oval Office

Pick me! Pick me! 07.05

Imagine my surprise when I stumbled upon this photo on Andrea's site.

You can't see me but I was there, you know, right under that very strong light on the right.

Bye Bye Vegas

There was no desire to write about it, take pictures or even think about it.

12 days away from home is 12 days too long, and dealing with fakery of Eiffel Tower, the Pyramid, and Empire State Building in the middle of the Nevada desert is just way too much.

So good riddance to Las Vegas. Washington was so much nicer.

Beware those vipers

When someone can diss others openly in front of you, you can bet your last dollar that he/she will not hesitate to diss you openly in front of others.

Fact or fiction?

Every once in a while, something happens which throws you off and forces you to review what you thought was true.

It is happening to me now.

That's why I am going to be selfish, very very selfish.

And when that happens, don't you dare point any finger at me.

NY...London...

It's a little unnerving to be in New York when the London blasts happened. Security is tighter, traffic is slower and people walk faster.

They just want to get home.

Who can blame them? New Yorkers are still nervous and edgy 4 years after the events of 9/11.

London, our hearts go out to you.

Quote of the day

"Can we live happily ever after?"

"I think we can."

New York Part II

Alright folks...it's another trip, another 11 days out of the country, another visit to New York and Washington! What are the odds that I'd fly 18 hours to the Big Apple TWICE in a month?

See you in another time zone! Bye!!!

I'm sweeeeeeet!

CHOC. FUDGE BROWNIE! You scored 85% SWEET, 77% CHUNKY, and 74% UNIQUE!

Chocolate ice cream with fudge brownies Very sweet, very wild, and very fun! People flock to this ice cream flavour, just as they flock to you. You love being surrounded by friends and getting crazy together! You could probably stand to calm down a little, but the kind of freedom you feel is inspiring. You really care about the people in your life and party hard, but are open to new ideas and experiences.

Take the test!

Fang's married!

Wedding belles 07.05

Another in the cohort takes the plunge...! Congratulations!

Sea change

I never thought I would start a note with such a cheesy, tacky title, but there you go.

I broke the news to the editor - that I'm accepting the offer - and I could see that he was disappointed, but he wished me all the best and offered to help in any way he can if I needed it.

So after the initial guilt that comes with letting a nice boss down - he even told my new boss: "Take good care of her." I don't think I should count on that coz the new environment will be way harsher, way tougher, way more demanding - it's slowly sinking in: I will be moving to Shanghai before the year ends, for at least three years.

I'm going because I don't want to be left wondering what I could have done with it.
I said yes because it's more difficult to say no.
I realise I'm giving up some things and the gains are uncertain, and there'll be things I'd regret.

But I am going.