I'm back...and off again

No wonder the French colonised it

Having been on high alert since 6am this morning, planted my feet in two countries in less than 12 hours, and run from one official meeting to another, let's just say that this reporter is ready to call it a day (although it feels like I just went through three days and didn't sleep a wink during that time). I'm awfully glad to have been there, nonetheless, and I promise I will write about it when I get back. Again.

I have yet to unpack or pack for my Mount Kinabalu trip tomorrow, I have yet to call or message the people I want to, because I just landed and filed my story. I'm tired and haven't had dinner and haven't showered and that's what I need to do now but I'm wired coz there are other things I'd rather do. I know you guys are reading this, and I love you folks. Now, I have to say goodbye again...and go unpack and pack. I won't be able to send or receive messages - so sad - coz mobile phones don't work in the mountains, so I'll be AWOL until Wed midnight, when we get back to KL. By then, I would have conquered Southeast Asia's highest mountain, all 4093 metres of it.

Carry on...

A touching exchange

Hi XXX,
I'm going to Indochina on assignment - with the PM - from tomorrow morning till Thu night, so I won't be around on your last day.

Just wanna thank you for your patience, guidance and advice; I really really enjoyed working with you...though the early days were quite stressful, I must say!
You are a great editor....

So please stay in touch, and when you settle in, we shall schmooze at Harry's Bar.

All the best!
Jean

...

Hi Jean,

Thanks for your kind message. It was indeed a joy working with you too. Actually I should thank you for making it easy for me. You have great potential and you will do very well. I wish I could have done more for people like you.

Anyway, hope everything goes well with you in XXX. But remember, its not always about work - it's the people, the fun, the friendships that count.
If you don't have that, then the job is not important.

Ya, come by to PennyBlack/Harry's and we will catch up on the gossip. I'll make u a cuppa.

All the best and cheers,
The former news editor

The PM and I - the Fokker story

We're runnin' away in this

I really should be packing but I think I perform best under stress so the plan is to wake up tomorrow morning to the alarm, grab a shower, throw everything in a big bag, call for a cab and be at Changi Airbase by 9.30am.

And today is a relatively productive day too. Played tennis in the morning before starting work, finished my column, the supplement cover story - "BYE BYE SBA!" - a 25cm curtain-raiser (who's the one who came up with a term like that?) to the trip tomorrow, did some background research on Indochina, booked my coach ticket to KL on Friday, collected the laptop and went for a 5k run. phew. I even had time for a bite with D at the KFC near the office - staffed entirely by the hearing-impaired, which I find so cool. I'll start using initials to denote people who shall remain anonymous for now, for whatever reason.

About the Fokker....my male colleagues have been very happy to tell me horror stories about it, though I secretly wonder how many of them have actually been on one. They say it's noisy and cold and bumpy, so I'm going to grab a lot of sleep tonight coz it's straight to business and all the way when we land at 2pm tomorrow. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

So, have a good week, everyone! I'll try posting pictures when I get back on Thu evening...see you all!

I need to get this

Go on. Click on the picture.

Right now...

current clothing: white tee and tennis skirt
current mood: satisfied
current taste: cookies' and cream chocolate
current hair: ponytail
current annoyance: none
current smell: my shampoo
current thing you ought to be doing: nothing
current jewelry: earrings
current book: the dog with the chip in his neck, andrei codrescu
current refreshment: water
current worry: if I am prepared for my Indochina trip
current crush: none
current favorite celebrity: cate blanchett
current longing: to sleep 8 hours
current music: bedshaped, keane
current wish: to be fitter, healthier, more settled
current lyric in your head: "You'll follow me back/With the sun in your eyes/And on your own/Bedshaped/And legs of stone"
current makeup (if you're a girl!): none
current undergarments: bra and thong
current regret: not having been more frugal this month
current desktop picture: tulips
current plans for tonight/weekend: read and sleep
current cuss word du jour: shit
current disappointment: that I didn't go running today
current amusement: silly surveys like this one
current IM/person: several
current love: music
current obsession: music
current avoidance: people who pull me down with them
current poster: closer
current favorite book: one hundred years of solitude, gabriel garcia marquez
current favorite movie: closer

Small joys

Yummmmmm 03.05

Instead of posting a picture of Jo's new not-so-secret weapon, her Batmobile, here's one of her chomping gleefully on a 10-cent chocolate bar we stumbled upon after our pool session. You'd remember eating it in primary school...the red and gold-ish paper packaging, the smooth chocolate and the crunchy wafer. It was such a treat, back then.

It's not that I didn't want to take a pic of the shiny new Honda Civic; it started to drizzle the minute we stepped out of Pool Junction and we were lucky not to be caught in the rain. The battery in my Ixus also chose that moment to quit on me. aiya.

It's the long weekend!

A room with a view 03.05

Good morning!

This is what I see everyday from my bedroom window. I think it isn't too shabby. I don't see cars, traffic lights, tall buildings. It's almost perfect. In the evenings, families and couples will be walking their dogs and kids will be mucking about in the playground. It really is rather nice.

Last night, I turned down a couple of launch-party invitations - just didn't feel like it, a few years ago, I would have pounced on them - although I know that would make me look antisocial, but I really can't be arsed. I think I've mastered the art of saying "no" to certain things. There aren't enough hours in a day to get most things done properly, so why torture yourself by turning up for things to see people you care little about and who properly care as little about you? So I ended up going for a run with Andy, and coming home to see that mom had cooked a nice simple vegetarian meal. Then I scampered into bed for some reading and dozed off round about midnight.

It's the Good Friday long weekend and I don't have very many plans at all. I just want to kick back and smell the roses. But here are some...
1. Farewell drinkies at Blue Bar, and maybe Zouk after
2. Brunch with Andy
3. Yoga
4. Head to Siloso and Coast
5. Play pool
6. Coffee with Deepa
7. Picnic at Labrador Park

Have a good one, everybody!

Indochina!

29 Mar Singapore - Vientiane ETD xx hrs ETA xx hrs
30 Mar Vientiane - Yangon ETD xx hrs ETA xx hrs
31 Mar Yangon - Phnom Penh ETD xx hrs ETA xx hrs
31 Mar Phnom Penh - Singapore ETD xx hrs ETA xx hrs

How's this for a first trip with the head of the state?

Well, technically, I am not going with him, but as part of his entourage, but what the heck, I'll be travelling in a military plane for the first time in my life and visiting three countries in three days.

May I just say...

Woooooo hoooooooo!

Disappointment?

Jean, you're looking for a Best Friend

There are many different ways to look at relationships, but for you, finding a best friend, the one person you share everything with, is the most important. Some people focus more on the romantic image of a soul mate to last the span of time, but you probably prefer the reality of making the most of every moment of every day. And who better to live those moments with than someone who's true blue through and through?

The ideal match for you is probably someone who can anticipate the next word out of your mouth and who laughs at the punch line before you even tell it. Chances are it's important to you that they'd expand your circle of friends, introduce you to new places, faces, and experiences, too. Whether this relationship is here for the short- or the long- term, you're a take-it-as-it-comes kind of person, with few expectations or fairytales to live up to. You'd take your constant companion and trusted secret-keeper over a fairy princess or Prince Charming, any day. Whether you realize it or not, there's someone out there who feels the same way about you. Like you, that someone is looking for the one person to be their best friend — both in the bedroom and out.

***

It doesn't matter how many times I've done it.

Each time I've had to do it, I've felt bad. And this time, it was no different.

Occasionally, I blame myself for letting the other person feel the way he does. I should have stopped it when I could...or maybe I shouldn't have gone out with him at all. But I hate to be presumptous, so I say "nah, he just wants to hang out", and I don't go about thinking that guys want me. So it happens...again.

sigh

Did you know...

Seeing how Angela and Jolyn have picked up on the silly quizzes and flobblebox, here's another entirely useless but very revealing quizzlet, just for fun.

1. What is the geekiest part of your music collection?
It has to be Abba, but the tunes are just so goddem catchy.

2. what do you eat when you raid the fridge late at night?
Usually something bad for me like chocolate or ice cream.

3. what is your secret guaranteed weeping movie?
Something in which the hero or heroine dies.

4. if you could have plastic surgery, what would you have done?
Erm...I want to be taller, but I don't think we have surgery for that. Yet.

5. do you have a completely irrational fear?
All my fears are totally reasonable and entirely rational.

6. what is the little physical habit that gives away your insecure moments?
I start looking around. And fidgeting.

7. are you a pyromaniac?
No. Fireworks fascinate me, though...

8. so you have too many love interests?
No.

9. do you know anyone famous?
What do you mean, famous?

10. describe your bed:
My favourite place in the world.

11. are you spontaneous or planned?
Half-half.

12. who would play you in a movie?
Jessica Alba. I wish. If you can think of someone, let me know!

13. do you know how to play poker?
Yes.

14. what do you carry with you at all times?
My wallet, my phone, my ipod.

15. what do you miss most about being a kid?
Being stupid. Erm, wait a minute...

16. are you happy with your given name?
I used to want a two-name name, like Angeline Josephine, but I got stuck with this. And yeah, I think I'm happy with it now.

17. how much money would it take to get you to give up the internet for one year?
Not much, but the more, the better of course.

18. what color is your bedroom?
White walls for now...

19. what was the last song you were listening to?
White Flag, Dido

20. have you ever been in a play?
A few times.

21. have you ever been in love?
...

22. do you talk a lot?
Think so.

23. do you like yourself and believe in yourself?
Most of the time.

24. do transient, homeless, or starving people sometimes annoy you?
Why would they?

25. do you consider yourself to be a nice person?
I'm mean only to people who deserve it.

26. do you spend more time with your boyfriend or your friends?
N.A.

27. what is your ideal marriage location?
Doesn't really matter, as long as he - and the people I love - are present and having a blast.

28. which musical instrument do you wish you could play?
The guitar.

29. favorite fabric?
Cotton.

30. something you love and hate?
Food you mean?? Or what?

31. what kind of bedding do you use?
300-count cotton sheets.

32. what's the one language you want to learn?
Spanish.

33. how do you eat an apple?
I eat it.

34. what do you order at a bar?
Gin & tonic.

35. have you ever pierced your body parts?
Ears don't count, right?

36. do you have tattoos?
No.

37. do you drive a stick?
Yes.

38. favorite trait of the opposite sex?
A cracking sense of humour.

39. what's one trait you hate in a person?
Lack of respect.

40. what kind of watch do you wear?
A men's Seiko Chronograph.

41. most frivolous purchase?
I'm quite restrained when it comes to shopping.

42. do you consider yourself materialistic?
No.

43. what are you best at cooking?
Greens.

44. favorite writing instrument?
Stabilo blue ball-points.

45. do you prefer to stand out or blend in?
I like playing the supporting role.

46. would you ever go out dressed like the opposite sex?
Only for a costume party.

47. what's one car you will never buy?
A Proton?

48. what kind of books do you like to read?
Anything that's well written. I read to check out the style sometimes, not for the story.

49. if you won the lottery, what would you do?
I'd buy a house.

50. burial or cremation?
Cremation.

51. how many online journals do you read regularly?
A few.

52. what's one thing you're a loser at?
Erm...

53. if you don't like a person, how do you show it?
I just don't bother.

54. do you cry in front of your friends?
The close ones.

56. what's one thing you like to do alone?
Quite a few things. Daydream, read, write, listen to my music, play the piano, run...

57. are you a giver or a taker?
A bit of both.

58. when's the last time you cried?
A month ago.

59. favorite communication method?
Face to face

60. how many drinks before you're tipsy?
3 or 4.

61. do you think you're cute?
Cute??? What do you mean, cute?

62. do you have problems changing clothes in front of friends?
No.

A prize for effort

After shoving my lazy ass outta bed and into the office at the unheard-of hour of 7am this morning, I finally finished the video script in a record time of under an hour. This has to be a record, right? right? But in case you thought I was so conscientious and a sucker for pain (you! wipe the smirk off your face this instant), I had to do this coz I was dragging my feet the whole of last week. I deserve this.

So anyway, that's done and put to bed, and now I'm off to get a big cuppa teh-si and to another interview. Ciao...

No Dashboard Diva for you

What a doll

I mounted the curb.

Twice.

I don't know how I did it, because it never once happened in my entire driving career.

If there were someone who was more bewildered than I was, it was my instructor, who kept shaking his head and saying, "how come like that?"

I don't know, dude.

So, now, I gotta put up with public transport for an unknown period of time before I have another go at getting the right to drive legally.

sighhhhhhhhhhhh

You are a New Age Girl!

You're bright, opinionated, and dedicated to changing the world. Even if it's one hybrid car at a time, you do you part to make things better. In fact, you may be so busy with your causes that you have little time for love. Take an extra yoga class or two, and you just might meet New Age Guy! What Kind of Girl Are You? Take This Quiz

It's a long road

Only two things can make me brave peak-hour morning traffic on a weekday at Raffles Place - a five-figure monthly salary and breakfast with an old friend.

Deepa and I go back to my radio days, when we were carefree young girls in our first real jobs. We had quite a bit of fun, I think, scheming and plotting our way to world domination. She said she wanted to work in TV and I said I wanted to write for a world-famous magazine which shall remain unnamed. Drunken nights, $2 lunches in the MediaCorp canteen, talking about the crushes we didn't really act on - thank God, otherwise they or we would have been roadkill - it was all such good fun.

Then I left for Hong Kong in March 2000 to pursue my dream of being a jetsetting journalist and we exchanged emails occasionally. She went to various financial media before landing a gig as a markets reporter at Channel NewsAsia and I remained in print, where my heart truly is.

It wasn't until October last year - more than 6 months after I came back from Sydney - that I bumped into her for real at the Bull Run at the Padang. And that's the amazing thing about old friends. It's always so easy to pick up where you left off, there's a sense of shared history and you can spare each other the often painful small talk.

A lot has happened since we last chatted - she has moved on to the corporate world and gotten married - but we've both grown up quite a bit. Sure, the total disregard for authority and rebelliousness is still there, but it's tempered by experience and the knowledge (and skill!) that there are other ways of getting what you want without dashing about like a bull.

On a separate note, found out last week that my St. Nicholas classmate Cindy was pregnant. Yes, I attended her wedding in late January and the next thing we hear, she's going to be a mom. We're planning a baby shower, but without the baby-shower games. Brrrrrrrrr.

Where I spend my days

My second home 03.05

Here is where I spend most of my waking hours working, daydreaming, hating, loving, laughing, tearing (no crying allowed), eating, trying to stay awake, blogging, plotting, planning, scheming, agonising, and generally getting to know myself.

As you can see, I can practically live there. You can see the pillow on my chair, which I use as a back support and is, believe me, the best little thing I've done for myself at the office since I joined in June '04. What you cannot see are my running shoes, my towels and toiletries. Yes, I can shower and sleep here. I've even got a toothbrush and toothpaste. shucks.

Other assorted items on my desk - multivitamins, jazz CDs, Skippy peanut butter, books that are nice to look at but don't say very much, a very nice message from inside a fortune cookie, a little picture from Wendy in Japan, and too many different types of chocolates. The teddy bear on the shelf on the left - (s)he is holding a Standard Chartered Sevens rugby ball - is a gift from a colleague, who said "Since my daughter is not here for me to give this to her, you can have it." sweet. The board with postcard ads of movies is a hand-me-down from Andrea, who left us a couple of weeks ago to join a wire service. The calendar on top of my termy is from Reuters, as is the rear view mirror, which I use to look out for editors walking in this direction as I chat on MSN during the down times.

The only thing I need now is a potted plant.

What would I do...

Gettin' ready for dancin' 02.05

...without my talented wonderful friends?

As I have no aptitude whatsoever for photography, I have been procrastinating on this downloading shit. I also have no cable to transfer the data, hence.

But a friend told me this week that there is a thing called a card reader, which will let your PC read the data on your CF card and transfer this data, otherwise known as downloading.

sheeeeeesh I am such a nerd.

So now I am a happy camper, because I have pictures.

Shiver as you drink

I think this is easily the weirdest thing I heard the whole of yesterday.

SINGAPORE (AP) -
Not only the drinks are ice cold at the Eski Bar, a new nightspot in tropical Singapore. The room temperature is so cold that staff wear heavy coats and ski caps, and patrons get a 10 percent discount if they show up in winter wear.

The bar contains a decorated, industrial strength freezer, with the mercury ranging from minus two degrees Celsius (28 degrees Fahrenheit) to just above zero (32 degrees F). The goal is to attract thirsty clientele who need a break from the round-the-clock, sweltering, Southeast Asian heat.

So far, the gimmick is working. The directors of Eski Bar, which officially opened this month near Singapore's Chinatown, plan to open another, larger outlet next month.

"It's a very clean look. They get a lot of women coming in groups,"said Violet Oon, a public relations consultant to the bar project.

"It's not a traditional idea of a night place. Everything is white and ice blue. If you go inside, it's like an igloo. There's wraparound upholstery. Perhaps it's psychological, they feel cocooned from the world."

Eski Bar features a 'freezer' room with glass mosaic tiles on the bar counter, an alternative to a stainless steel surface that might be sticky and painful for patrons' elbows. There's also a 'chiller' room, where the temperature is a more normal 18 degrees C (64 degrees F), and an outdoor area for those who can't stand the cold.

The decor features ceiling and wall lights shaped like melting ice cubes, as well as a transparent plastic curtain at the entrance to keep out the heat. Beer and white spirits such as vodka are served ice cold, and one cocktail is called Sleeping Polar Bear.

Those involved in the project include Andy Lim, a former building contractor, and Andrea Teo, a television producer.

***

Time to take my coats and scarves out of storage? I don't think so.

Pop a cap in their punkass!

Thug Bear

Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

There's not enough time to do all the stuff I want to do the way I want to do them.

Did anyone get that?

Nobody wants to read about lists, but here is the list of stuff I gotta get done at some point in the near future, anyway...
1. Make new eyeglasses.
2. Get ma money back.
3. Check out graduation stuff.
4. Think of story ideas for xxx.
5. Start shopping for a car.
6. Start going for yoga again.
7. Get a puppy/adopt a dog.

And here's the list of longer-term stuff I gotta get done...
1. Pick up tennis again.
2. Sign up for photography classes.
3. Learn to cook.

Check in in a month or so to see how many I have nailed down.
In the meantime, allow me to focus on surviving the next two weeks at work.

Days to driving test - 7

The One

I've been thinking about The One quite a bit lately. I don't know if it's because of my circumstances or the things happening around me to other people, but I'm wondering what this is about - do we go by head or go by groin.

And if we do go by groin, do we just abandon all our common sense and what other people tell us and do what "feels right"?

But if we go by the head, where does that leave the heart? Aren't matters of the heart supposed to be ruled by, well, the heart?

I think for a period I had a pretty clear idea in my head of the ideal guy...I think I'm idealistic. Even at this point, after countless failed encounters and more pain than necessary, I still believe in - and want - the one person who knows me more than I can possibly know myself. I don't know how he looks like, I don't know what our meeting will be like, but I think I know how I'll feel.

When I talk to him, it'll be a meeting of the same mind and soul. I won't have to act, I won't have to pretend, and I won't have to worry and scrutinise and obsess and analyse. There won't be uncertainty, doubt, fear. There won't be this thought that this is about ME. Maybe if I meet The One, I'll stop thinking about me and start wondering about US. Maybe if I meet The One, I will stop questioning and wondering and writing blog posts about being scared and not knowing what's going on. Coz if you meet The One, you just know?

Someone enlighten me.

Haaaa? Party ah?

You know you've grown up, or at least grown older, when the prospect of a long night of free-flow booze just doesn't sound very appealing anymore.

And it wasn't. Very appealing at all. I felt more comfortable over supper at the hotel restaurant, chatting to someone I don't usually talk to about life and love.

It's moments like these that I look for. The instant this new person, or maybe someone you've known for years but take for granted, shows you a side of him or herself that you didn't know exists. Of course, everyone of us are more than one-dimensional creatures and all of us put on a work-face, family-face, old friends-face...but when it happened last night, it made me realise how dangerous it is to look at things just on the surface.

But I think I've also given some people the benefit of the doubt, but in a couple of instances, they just end up disappointing or validating your preconceived ideas of them. And you realise there's a lot to be said for gut feelings.

Is it about timing? really. I don't wanna sound all Carrie Bradshaw...but is it all about timing?

Training last night - 30 mins, 4.5 km

Just a pic

HY and me 02.05

My attempt to make the blog brighter...

Pink is the theme

Managed to squeeze in a little bit of training last night after work, and was so zonked this morning that I woke up at 8 instead of 7, as intended. urgh.

Just a quick one to wish my girlies a Happy International Women's Day. You gals (yes, nothing wrong with that term!) keep me sane, strong and virtuous. And we've come a long way.

Wear pink today!

Carry on...

I don't get it anymore

The buzz from my weekend and plans to train for Kinabalu in the evening evaporated the second I was told at 6pm that I have to do a 8pm conference call with a bunch of lawyers for a story I know nothing about. Just coz the reporters following the story couldn't make it.

And this was when I was rushing to finish my mid-week column...AFTER finishing a 100cm industry focus story earlier in the afternoon.

Is it normal to not leave the office until 9pm on most nights?
For the first time in weeks, I was hoping to leave at 7pm and see the sun before it sets.
Is it normal to write an average of 2 to 3 stories a day, when other people at other papers don't?
What's wrong with this picture?
Is it wrong to want a life outside the office on weekdays too?

Or am I just spoilt?

Happy days

This is where I have been spending my Saturday mornings.

I must say that at the beginning, it was really tough trying to get up early so that I can be there by 9am, especially after a late Friday night. But now it's a little easier and I must say that it has become one of my little windows to sanity. (It also forces me to cut down on those late Friday nights la.)

Spending time with the children - and the horses - more than calms me down, it helps me remember that there are better things to worry about and more worthwhile matters to spend my time and energy on. The simple delight that the kids have when they ride is infectious, and reminds me that I have to keep that childlike, unartful joy when doing anything.

It also reinforces my conviction that should I leave journalism, it'll be to work in the non-profit sector.

Things that made me smile today

• Jeremy looking into my eyes and smiling for the first time after 3 weeks! He's a tough one. He's got ADD and is terribly shy so he's a tough one to crack. But yay!
• Having coffee with an old friend in the late arvo. It's good to be reminded of how and what you were when you were merely 16. It's also good to look back and see how far you have come. Old friends keep your feet on the ground but your head in the clouds.
• Dinner at Ubin. The food was not bad but getting away from the city was FINE and the boat trip back was lovely. The company was fun.

I don't think it takes very much to make me feel happy and contented, and that's a good thing.

Reading The Bitch In the House

What a week

It's almost 9.30. I've been at work for 12 hours and it's finally come to an end. All I can say is...

I'M OUTTA HERE!!!

Good night!!!

New York, here I come!

Leaving Singapore: June 6 Monday 6.50am
Leaving New York: June 16 Thursday 10pm

Please send in your lists of must-sees, restaurants, shops, things to do, things to avoid, and, well, tips in general.

THANK YOU!

The Clinton story

As promised, here is the story that was filed at 11pm on Monday night.

"So did slick willie make any moves on you?"

I was there 02.05

The Business Times - 01 Mar 2005

Relief work for tsunami may take 3-4 years: Clinton

By JEAN CHUA, PICTURE BY BRYAN VAN DER BEEK

(SINGAPORE) Relief efforts in the countries affected by December's tsunami could take as long as three to four years, and the international community has to be prepared to do more, said former US president Bill Clinton.

Mr Clinton, a special United Nations envoy for the tsunami reconstruction efforts, told reporters in Singapore last night that long-term reconstruction is well under way in the disaster-hit areas but there's 'a lot of work to do'.

'People have done a heroic job of beginning to clean up, they've kept people alive who could have died from water pollution, the children are beginning to be treated - and that's good - for their emotional distress,' he said.

'But I think the long-term rebuilding is challenging and will cost a lot of money and we have to be prepared to do this for three or four years, and all the countries that have helped have to be prepared to do more.'

Mr Clinton is on a tour of Asia with another former US president, George H W Bush, to visit the tsunami victims and assess how American expenditure should go into the relief effort and what more needs to be done.

'I'll do what I can to make sure the money is well spent, well coordinated and properly accounted for, but these people are good brave people and we ought to keep helping them,' Mr Clinton said.

He singled out Sri Lanka, the Maldives and Aceh as places needing the most help.

'Sri Lanka was hit all the way from the southern point at Galle all the way up to the eastern coast to the top in the area dominated by the Tamils.

'There are all these villages that have been devastated. You not only have to rebuild houses, the fishermen have to have their boats replaced, you have to restructure the whole economy, then you have to build the schools back and the healthcare facilities. That just takes a lot of time.

'And Aceh, northern Sumatra, 110,00 people have been buried and over 130,000 are still missing. There are countless isolated villages. The roads have to be built, the whole structure of society has to be put back together again.'

Mr Clinton also urged people to visit the Maldives again. He said that tourists have stopped going to Sri Lanka and the Maldives even though most of the tourist facilities are open.

'That wasn't what was destroyed but people see in the media that they were hit so the Maldives could lose a lot more money just because people don't know that 70 per cent of their facilities are still open and completely untouched.'

During his visit yesterday and today, Mr Clinton will meet Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong, Senior Minister Goh Chok Tong and Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew. Part of the tour includes the night golf session last night with Mr Goh and several ministers.

In the past few days, Mr Clinton has also been to Hong Kong, South Korea, Taiwan and Japan to sign copies of his best-selling memoir, My Life.

A fresh start

It's been a really long day.

I walked into the office this morning knowing I have to write the editorial but something cropped up and I ended up writing that AND a possible Pg 1, which was submitted at 8.30pm.

Quietly, without any fanfare, the chief announced who the new news editor is - no surprises there - but after I filed my story, the new news ed pulled me aside and told me from tomorrow, I cover my second-choice beat, which, now that I think about it, is actually my first choice.

At the end of the day, I also resolved to do one thing which I know will keep me sane and help me survive and be strong(er) at work. No details but suffice to say that it will make everything much better from now on.

I have also had distractions. People in the background who should have remained that way. Moments of weakness. Moments of melancholy. I look back and I think about it and I swear on everything I have within me that I will NEVER, EVER put myself in that position again.

I'm tired, a little bewildered, a little excited, overwhelmed but mostly, I just can't wait for tomorrow to begin. Tomorrow will be good.

A milestone

Today, I enter my 6th year as a journalist.

I think I'm happy with what I've done, although I haven't covered a war, a famine or a riot, events which - 5 years ago - I thought I would have wanted to write about; I ended up becoming a business writer. I think life takes you to funny places you don't expect and I guess that is what keeps me going. I still want to be surprised by the loops.

Events at work lately have caused me to wonder whether I still want to be doing this, and if I do, whether I want to do it here. Having worked overseas, I can say that it's better in some ways out there and worse in some ways...though nostalgia has certainly coloured my perspective somewhat and I'm romanticising what I went through.

There were fewer constraints, people were less easy to be offended and there weren't that many boundaries to work within. I could write pretty much what I wanted, provided it was honest and informed, and people wouldn't feel they had earned the right to call and ask you to write another story which would serve to retract what you wrote previously. Here, bullshit like that happens everyday, and the scene is too small and too comfortable and too easy and people get too lazy or too cozy with one another. It is very, very frustrating. And the nature of the business here is that journalists get no respect and we deserve none. That is something I'm still learning to live with.

I don't blame anyone; that's just the way the system is. I guess some would say "We gotta work within the system to fight it" or "If we don't try to fight and agitate for change, who will?", but after a while, you recognise the futility of it all and you start to wonder if you're losing all will.

Am I saying that I'm giving up? Maybe? I don't know. To be honest, I still see the worth of what we do, recognise the fact that the mere trying already makes it good, and know deep down that change is possible. I just have to keep reminding myself when I wake up everyday that if I could do the 5 years over, I would choose the same road. I would do the same thing because there is nothing else I can imagine myself doing.

And I wouldn't exchange this for the world.