Gong Xi Fa Cai

Is China the only place in the world where the people can buy their own fireworks off street vendors and have their own fireworks party in their backyards?

Shanghai is gripped by fireworks fever, caused by the Chinese New Year and it's noisy, pretty and happy...

Happy Dog Year, everyone.

I wanna keep receiving angbaos.

Have you ever written a personal ad?

• I am a woman
• age 29 and counting
• location Shanghai
• country China
• occupation word hack
• education Master's degree
• star sign Virgo
• relationship status single but not available
• have children no
• want children don't know, but don't think so
• height 162cm
• weight 47kg
• hair colour dark
• eye colour dark
• cigarettes no
• booze just occasionally
• drugs have tried but don't do it regularly
• last great book I read all the trouble in the world, pj o'rourke
• most humbling moment oh there were too many
• favourite on-screen sex scene how about...the many scenes of jane march and tong leung in the lover
• celebrity I resemble most who knows
• best/worst lie I've ever told I'm sick and can't go out
• if I could be anywhere at the moment the beach at krabi, thailand
• the five items I can't live without my music, my notebook, my big pillow, my family and my man
• fill in the blanks broad shoulders are sexy, but a sense of humour is sexier
• in my bedroom, you'll find books, CDs, photos, me
• why you should get to know me see above
• what I am looking for love, affinity, respect, lust

One thing's for sure

A long-distance relationship is tough.

When you look around you and see options and people you could be going out with, you may start wondering why you're hanging on to something so...uncertain and which makes you feel insecure.

That's when you decide tt's too tough, you want someone to be there physically for you so you get distracted, date, move on...

It's not easy. I'm not a saint. And sometimes, you feel so distant from him you can't find things to say. But other times, you talk and talk and can't stop and you remember how you fell in love in the first place. And people ask me out and what do I say? I say no, thanks. Maybe a coffee, but I'm not interested.

So what's the verdict? Two months into this, and I'm still pretty damned certain about this. I think this may be the difference between a good thing and a sure thing.

And I've got both.

More wedding bells

Here comes the bride

Wendy, my dear cousin who lives in Japan, is getting married to a nice American boy from New Jersey. It's New Jersey, I think. Oh wow. In a way, I'm sorta glad that I'm not spending Chinese New Year with the extended family this weekend who will, no doubt, ask "When are YOU getting hitched?" All, and I mean ALL, my female cousins have young children!

Blah. I get shudders when I think about it. I think I'm missing a bride gene. I'm definitely missing a mum gene.

The domestication of Reverend Sugartastic

Hello...it's been a while. First of all, let me just say that I'm still bummed out that I can't read my friends' blogspot sites in China. I'm......lost! In any case...thanks for the note, Judy. Nothing I can do about it, though. sigh.

I've never been so domesticated (is that even a word?) in my life. I find myself wondering how to make my apartment here less, what's the word, Chinese. I'm going to start decorating...oh my god. I'm grateful for the chance, though. It's going to be fun! I need new curtains, pictures, throws, vases. I'm getting to be a bit of a neat freak...I use to leave my clothes lying around but as I grow older, I get more organised. I think it's got something to do with the fact that I'm making simplicity my motto. It's like ok, I know where things are...I can't live in clutter; I think the conditions you live in reflect your state of mind, don't you?

The only thing I can't stand is ironing. Lord help me.

Also, I find myself cooking more and more...and studying cookbooks more and more. Well, it's the really simple stuff for now and mostly vegetable-based coz I eat too much meat when I'm out (which is happening more and more often) and when you live alone, it's tough to cook a rack of lamb and roast potatoes?

Booze is so cheap here it's tempting to start drinking much more. A bottle of Malibu rum is S$18 at Carrefour and so vodka. How's this for a winter drink...scotch whiskey, double cream and honey mixed and served over ice...yummm.

Pitter patter

The weather here has taken a turn for the wetter.

It's been raining pretty much non-stop since Sunday afternoon and the winds have gathered strength and I can't help wanting to hole up in the apartment. In fact, I've taken to working from home, sitting in front of the TV watching CCTV news on the hour - as part of work, I swear.

The past two months have been a test of endurance, for which I am grateful. I have also learned a bit more about myself, at a time when I thought I knew myself thoroughly. When you're back home, surrounded by people who can help you, you don't have to resort to your own resources...you didn't even know you had those resources or the ability to use them. Here, you constantly have to be on your toes. It's like you're bracing yourself for a fight each time you step out of the door.

*Deep breath*

What a bloody pain...

...in the arse.

Even after asking my tech guru of a research assistant to meddle around with the servers and proxies and shit, I still can't any blogspot sites in Shanghai, including, of course, my own.

This sucks big time.

Help, anyone?

Working weekends are no fun

Shanghai Museum 01.06

What a weekend.

After having to wake up at 7.30 on both Saturday and Sunday, I decided to work from home today. I am tired because I had a total of less than 10 hours of sleep on both nights, what with David being in town and my having to file stories for the paper.

No complaints though...I'm happy to be given an assignment where I can work at my own pace...to a certain extent, at least. Back to work!

How true

The Picto-Personality Test You are a person who likes to have fun all the time. When alone, you appreciate being able to do nothing if you want to, and setting your own pace for things. You are romantic, and when you are with your partner you like to woo them with your imagination. In the future you will have a good family life and lots of friends.

Grateful

Oh wow.

Let me just say that I'm incredibly touched by all the messages that people have left on this site after my previous (rather tragic) posting. I'm grateful that people are so concerned and cannot be more thankful. Like I said, I never get depressed like this. These are extraordinary circumstances, though. I cannot wait to be with my baby again.

I'm also aware that I can't allow my mind to take me to unhealthy, irrational places. So I'm ok again. =)

Thanks, everyone.

A fork

When it's cold, dark, wet outside and you're essentially alone in a strange new city, it's easy to start thinking funny thoughts and get paranoid. That's what's happening to me now.

It's easy to forget the good things you had, the sweet wonderful things he said and all the great times you spent together.

It's easy to pick a fight just because you want attention, you want to know he remembers you and you end up creating a crack for no good reason other than insecurity. It's stupid yes and irrational, but oh so real.

And that, my dear friends, is suicide.

I know this but I can't help it. I am feeling lost and although it's getting better, there's nothing I want more than to be back home with him. It's probably politically incorrect to say this but why lie to myself? I don't wanna look "successful and all together" for the world to see yet be sad inside...coz no one else is going to be there when I miss him.

So what do I do? Do I go home? Do I wait?

I have no idea.

Brownies and winter

Generally it doesn't take very much to make me happy. And I'm happy that I've got a decent European oven in my Shanghai apartment. It really makes a difference, ya know. And so I'm going to start baking. No more faffing around.

I know that my last three postings have sounded...contemplative. I realise that. That's the me when it's cold and wet outside. I won't do it again.

What I learned in 2005

That my instincts are generally correct and I should listen to them more often
That I always underestimate myself and undershoot
That it's ok to be alone sometimes
That it's fine not to see people you don't wanna see
That I usually make a bigger deal about things than necessary
That things are usually not as bad as I make them out to be
That the ideas about how I wanna live my life has changed and I can create new things for myself
That this year shall be a year of discovery and change
That it's going to be fine

Just do it

The best way to handle things that you dread is to throw yourself into it and JUST FREAKING DO IT.

The hardest lessons to learn...

...are those that we need the most.

And the things that we do not want to see are those that we must.

...

What a difference a meal makes

I was feeling seriously seriously depressed on Wednesday AND a good half of today. I'm generally a cheerful person, but you know how sometimes you can feel irrationally sad and hopeless even when all signs and evidence say that things are going really swimmingly??? I was feeling that everything was to shiiiiiiiiiiiiiit and that Daryl is cheating on me and that I'm going to lose my job when my editors discover how I am actually a fraud and I'm going to lose EVERYTHING DAMNED THING.

I just couldn't snap out of it...

...until now.

The cure? A pitcher of sangria, BBQ prawns, mozzarella and tomato salad, garlic sauteed mushrooms and chorizo.

I'm going to a tapas bar when I next feel blue.

Good news

The first day of work in the new year brought some good news: a promotion and a raise.

More coins for the penthouse fund!

Happy 2006

Singapore ain't that bad, dammmmit 01.06

I stole this from Bryan.

But I did manage to catch the fireworks from the rooftop garden of a four-storey shophouse near Chinatown.

Pretty awesome, huh?